American "Aristocrats"


Miles Jarvis was a fanciful man. He came originally from an old Boston family and had enough money left over from his parents’ trust fund to collect everything and anything red. Miles was obsessed with the colour red, so he spent the majority of his money procuring red shoes, red coats, red pens, red doors, red cars, and red eyes (from his hay fever).

Most of all, Miles Jarvis loved red cars. He collected all kinds of red cars, from the unreliable to the undeniably fashionable. Eventually, Mr. Jarvis purchased his red Bugatti Veyron, which was his most adored possession. Each day, he’d fall to one knee as if to propose, and toil away waxing at each inch of his beloved Bugatti.

A series of events and a close call led Jarvis to the conclusion that his Veyron was to never be driven on public roads again. A short trip to the corner shop almost totalled his car when a nursery worker peeled around the corner at high speeds. Instead, he chose to drive his Veyron up and down the long road of his private country home.

Mr. Jarvis often invited his best friends over to check out his Veyron and his extensive collection of red-coloured autos. While they did indeed their friend Miles’ cars, they longed to drive on the open road. Through some act of God or another miracle, they convinced Miles to take a road trip to Cardiff.

The reclusive "aristocrat" was finally persuaded, and so began the planning of the trip. Miles looked at some of the options for car insurance from his local company, and noticed that the twelve-month term plans were quite expensive. He was frugal with everything outside of the realm of cars, so he shopped around for the best deal at other insurers.

Miles decided on a plan. This plan could have insured his car for 1 to 28 days, which was plenty for his week-long excursion with his mates. The trip went perfectly for the most part, excepting the undercooked steak at a pub along the way, and an unfortunate accident.

As Miles and his friends were drowsily tailing a moving truck, a brass tent pole came loose and impaled Miles’ beloved Veyron straight through the window, destroying the dashboard, steering wheel, hood, and the expensive stereo installed in the Veyron. The front end of the Bugatti was totalled, and Miles was devastated at the damage inflicted by the mover. After giving him a tongue-lashing, Miles called his insurance company on his mobile.

Since Miles had dealt with a reputable company when he got his temporary car insurance quote, the Bugatti’s repairs were paid in full, and Miles’ motor was delivered back to him within a week. Somehow, his friends couldn’t help but feel a bit sorry for him.

Miles clutched his Veyron with both of his arms, throwing them around the chrome-trimmed mirror, “I love you! Don’t ever scare me like that again, do you hear me?”

His screams echoed throughout the garage as he embraced his one and only true love: the Bugatti Veyron.

Next: The English do things differently!

Copyright Paul Verdon 2008